


Hurt

by Mamogirl



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Brian is a wise pocket, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, Love, M/M, Song fic, doubts, short fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 02:51:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8604286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mamogirl/pseuds/Mamogirl
Summary: Love was a risk, Love was taking a leap of faith and put your own heart, soul and whole life between the hands of someone else. Someone who had the power to hurt you, to shatter every bone and to destroy a hope that was supposed to burn until eternity. But at the same time love, real love, was worth taking that risk, was worth tears and wounds because the same one that had hurt you was the only one able to heal you. And love you again and again, until pain would become just a faint echo of a nightmare.





	

Hurt

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Because I can make you hurt_   
_I can take you down so low I’ll make you want to cry_   
_I can make you say goodbye_   
_\- Hurt, Darren Hayes. -_

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m going to hurt you. I’m going to make you hurt so badly that you won’t even been able to cry and ask for help. I’m gonna take you all you have to offer and more, so much more even when there is nothing left to give; I’m going to steal every breath and every heartbeat, I’m going to crush them until only blood would slip through my fingers, shattered pieces of a soul that has never lose the hope to fix whatever has been broken so long ago. I’m going to disappoint you. I have already done it in the past so why now should be different? Why the future should be different? Just because you love me? Just because you’ve promised to keep standing by my side no matter what? But you know. You already know that I’m going to disappoint you, I won’t be there whenever you would need me the most, when you would find yourself with your back against the wall and nowhere to run and hide. And the truth is that I will hate myself for that, I’ll be in a corner, hidden in the darkness, cursing myself because I’d longed to help you but already knowing that I won’t be able to. Because I won’t know how to, just like I’ve never known how to help or take care of you. – Nick twisted his index around a stray of sandy hair, though he had always thought that they were more like honey or that wheat kissed by the summer sun; that finger, then, slipped down, following Brian’s jaw line and there it rested, caressing the skin as if it was his last attempt of a goodbye. – You should run away. You should turn around and run away, far away from what is going to be your biggest mistake. You shouldn’t love me. You shouldn’t give me your heart, Brian. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Brian acted as if though those words didn’t hold any meaning to him, as if they were just an assemble of syllables pronounced in an unknown and foreign language. He had always known that this moment was going to happen, sooner or later; he had always known that, sooner or later, Nick was going to believe all those voices that had always managed to steal away every chance of happiness and love. And there was no way that he would let Nick keep hurting himself, shattering something that they both fought so hard to conquer.

“The biggest mistake would be turning around and leaving you.” He just whispered in a soft breath, his warm hand resting upon Nick’s.

“Why? I’m not special. And you deserve way better than me, so much more than what I can offer you.”

Despite the seriousness of the situation, a soft smile appeared on Brian’s face, that clear and warm light of a love that Nick had never been able to declare as his. How could he? How could he claim something so precious, something that should be given to… well, not to people like him. Or, maybe, that was the only way life, and fate, could make up for all the shit, and pain, that he had to go through.

And that confidence, that reassurance, was just the right and powerful wind able to dissipate all the clouds of doubts looming and covering up his mind.

“You know that those are just lies. Words that even your own mind, your own heart, can’t and don’t want to believe in. You may not be special but so do I. And maybe that’s why we are so perfect for each other, that’s why we truly belong together. You may believe that you don’t know how to love because no one had ever given it to you but that’s where you’re absolutely wrong. Because I know that, even if you would hurt me and you would leave me behind, unable to breathe, you’re gonna be the one trying so hard to heal my wounds and erase all the pain. Because I know, Nick, that you love me as much as I love you.”

Brian didn’t give Nick the time, let alone air, to breathe and reply. He didn’t let him to put up another resistance, other bricks of self – defense and self – hate. Love was a risk, Love was taking a leap of faith and put your own heart, soul and whole life between the hands of someone else. Someone who had the power to hurt you, to shatter every bone and to destroy a hope that was supposed to burn until eternity. But at the same time love, real love, was worth taking that risk, was worth tears and wounds because the same one that had hurt you was the only one able to heal you. And love you again and again, until pain would become just a faint echo of a nightmare.

So Brian didn’t give Nick the time to close off again and shut him out. Standing on his tiptoes, he chose to use the only weapon that he was sure it would be able to silence every objection, the most powerful reply to that simple question Nick had asked him.

_Why?_

Lips pressed against lips, hands came up and rested on the neck, as if they didn’t want to leave any freedom or a chance to escape and turn around. Lips pressed against lips, caresses melted into caresses until there was no distinction between one and another: they were touches, they were kisses that burned on the skin and gave life to fireworks that exploded behind their closed eyes, pain that wasn’t pain and lights that came together in multicolored flames. Lips pressed against lips and apologies were breathed into thin air, that empty space between what had been doubt and a confidence that was slowly coming back to life, strengthened by that love that bounded their hearts and souls into one being.

“I guess you’re right.” Soft words were pressed against Brian’s cheek, a smile curving his lips.

“You guess?”

“You’re probably right.”

“Probably?”

Sparks of laughter exploded in the air, vibrating and breaking the silence; Nick’s lips travelled back towards Brian’s mouth, small touches that seemed soft wings of an invisible butterfly. His doubts were still there, floating around but their poison wasn’t that deathly anymore. He could live with them, he could bear them because he was holding the mere and physical reason why they would never turn into a truth.

“Then let me show how probably wrong I am.”


End file.
